This article was written to give advice to those who are unfamiliar to internet dating. Or maybe you've had a couple bad experiences and are wondering why you are running into "duds". My dating advice is not aimed particularly at either men or women, but looks at both sides. I am not a psychologist or therapists and all dating advice and tips are my personal thoughts found through my internet dating experiences.
So why choose online dating services rather than conventional dating?Here's a few benefits:
- Millions of people from around the world sign up for internet dating services everyday. Also there are thousands of dating sites coming online everyday. So not only can you find a person to match your needs but also a dating service built around your specific need.
- You're in the US, you can meet someone from Australia
- Find someone in a different state that you would enjoy visiting.
- There are Asian dating, Jewish dating, Christian dating, adult dating, senior dating, hiking dating, dog walking dating sites and the list goes on.
Those are just a few reasons and each person will benefit differently based on their character and personality. The precautions would also relate to conventional dating practices and not just internet dates.So what are some of the drawbacks of internet dating?
- Your search criteria can be more detailed, less compromising later.
- What hobbies are they into?
- What are their turn-offs?
- What are their interests
- People tend to be more honest through correspondence. You know the true person quicker.
- You can still have an online date even if you're sick.
- It's safe because you're not in the same physical environment, at least initially.
- You don't need to meet the person until you are totally comfortable. Never meet anybody unless you are 99% comfortable.
- The first date or 2nd, 3rd, and 4th should be out in public.
- Let someone know where you are going.
- Ladies, I highly recommend you bring a friend or double-date!
- Do not allow the person to pick you up. Provide your own transportation
- Bring defense items - pepper spray, whistle, gps tracking device. Be careful of bringing weapons that can harm you - knife, gun, clubs...etc
- Ladies, even if the date is going well and it's the 1st date, do not be persuaded to get into a car alone with him. If he is a predator, he'll get agitated and possibly upset. If this happens, then you should walk away now! A real gentleman will understand your fear and rather spend time with you than miss a party, concert or whatever. Just be sure to let him know prior to the date that you will not leave the initial meeting place with him unless your friend can come along.
As with the benefits, there are other downsides to internet dating that aren't listed and will vary from person to person.So who is the best internet dating service? That's a hard question to answer because there are so many variables and there is no one best service. I say the best dating site is the one you find what you are looking for on. Luckily, most are free to join, although you will get limited functionality and features of the program. But at least you can get an idea of the types or kinds of people who have joined that particular internet dating service.
- Are they really writing or just cut-and-pasting?
- Cameras and lighting can be manipulated to hide certain features (flaws).
- The photos in the ads maybe professionally done or retouched and not be a true reflection of the person
There are more and more online dating services that are specific to certain groups like - people who are in the service, Christian dating, pet lovers dating, and so on. The major dating sites will have these people as well, you'll just need to sift through the members to find out if someone shares your passions or hobbies. What it boils down to is that the more people to select from, the better your chances of finding a match.
Other people may just want a companion because they are going on a trip to another area and would like a friend or someone to show them around at that destination.
What it boils down to is - What are your needs and wants?
Some internet dating advice I can offer based on my experience that helped me find the love of my life and also general tips are listed below.
- Be honest when you communicate
- Speak from the heart, don't try to be someone you're not
- Sign-up for more than one online dating site
- Choose a general "big name" site.
- Search Google or Yahoo by typing "dating dogs" or "dating armed forces" or "dating Christian"...etc
- Only pay for the sites that you feel there are more than 5 profiles that match what you are looking for, remember most are free to sign up, but you will have limited capability.
- Stay away from free online dating sites, you get what you pay for. The more serious a person is, the higher amount of money they will pay to find quality people. That means if someone on a particular dating site has the highest level membership (Gold Member) then they are serious about finding someone. 2nd to the highest level (silver) may be those who are serious but don't have a lot of money to spend. Anything less are in my opinion "gamers" and just passing time. HOWEVER! In countries or areas that are poor and under developed, they simply can't afford to pay the membership fee. They are probably using a computer at school, a library, or a friends, so you'll need to be extra patient.
- Stay away from ads that don't have pictures or at least make sure they will send you a picture. Some people don't want to be seen in fear of their friends colleagues or family seeing them on the internet. That's perfectly understandable, just make sure you get REAL pictures once getting to know the person.
- Send and receive many pictures, insist on casual setting pictures and not professional retouched photos
Be patient, if they live in another time zone it can be difficult to call
- If they live in another country, get a calling card or use a webcam and microphone.
- Since my wife didn't have a webcam, my phone bill averaged $1200 a month and I didn't know about calling cards.
- Call your phone company and get a plan with better international rates.
- There's more options today like VOIP (voice over IP) pc2phone that's a lot cheaper and the sound quality is much better now also.
Ladies, when you do meet, make sure it's with one or more of your friends even for the first few dates. Safety first and if the guy can't understand that, then that's a RED flag!
- Ladies, purchase some books on pick-up lines, how to seduce a woman, and those sort of things. If your correspondence contains many of what you find in a book, then the person may not be sincere. If you're tired of finding losers, this is your wake-up call to find out why.
Men, buy books on how to treat a lady. Buy books on how to seduce a woman, but only use it after you know they want to be seduced by you (later in the relationship).
Be Honest! - If you're serious and want a life-long mate this is a crucial tip of internet dating advice.
- Be upfront, put EVERYTHING on the table. Too many unexpected surprises will kill the relationship.
- Don't try to be what you think the other person wants. You can't put on a show forever.
- Get a webcam so you can see and hear the real person. Sometimes you get a glimpse of their room. Is it messy? Are there naked people hung up on the wall? It can also be a lot of fun once you are closer and can be more intimate. BE CAREFUL! What you do on camera can be recorded and exposed if things don't work out.
- Make a list of things you absolutely do not like or won't compromise on. For example, you dislike it when your partner drinks too much, does drugs or things like that. Don't ask these questions straight out, but have them elaborate when they had a night out with the guys/girls. Just keep a mental note to yourself.
- Make a list of the key things you like that make you feel adored and desired.
- You like feeling pampered by getting breakfast in bed
- You like it when doors are opened for you
- You like it when girls pamper you
- You like it when girls make you feel special
- How does the other person perceive what making someone feel special is.
- What is your definition of joy and happiness?
Be Honest! I know I keep saying that, but it's the most important thing!
- If you've been burned once too many times, do a background check on the person. You can find out if they have been married, divorced, in jail, law suits against them, and things of that nature. It costs a little money, but can save you years of heartache and disappointment. Some people may feel this is an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting the other person. I say it's a matter of feeling secure and if the other person can't understand that, then they are hiding something or don't care about how insecure you may be feeling. Another RED flag! Online dating has evolved to where it's common place to check on people.
Have fun on your date but pay attention to
- Do they open doors for you
- Do they talk negatively about too many things.
- Are their eyes busy wandering rather than focusing on you?
- Are there too many lines or quotes from the dating books?
- You may want to keep a score card or write down notes immediately after the date. Just make sure you destroy them all when you are exclusively seeing that person. Nobody wants to know they are being compared, but it's a good way to make sure the person has all the qualities that are truly important to you. To be on the safe side, never ever write down anything relating to sex. Technique can be learned if the person is willing to satisfy you. Talk about it, if they aren't interested in what turns you on, that's another RED flag. Lets face it, sex is an important part of a relationship. For some it isn't but for the majority, it is. It's also a two-way street. In order to get, you must give and if you give, you should get. It's that simple.
- Is this person someone you want your family and friends to meet?
- And for the last time - BE HONEST!
Contributed by Russ Tanioka of helpmehowto.com